Summertime fun!

My biggest fear as a mother who has lost a child is that they will be forgotten. Sometimes I feel as if I need to tell every stranger about my precious angels, because somehow it'll make it so they are not forgotten. There are times I feel like the world has moved on, but I'm still hurting so badly that I want everyone to feel it and never forget. This passed week I've been able to feel a little more normal, and have been able to create new memories with my family.

This little guy fell asleep while I was packing for our trip

The very first Mark Ballantyne reunion commenced in Washington state. It was a fun filled week with lots of swimming and summertime activities. We went camping at Lake Chelan and just had fun together. I loved seeing Carter with his cousins, and they were inseparable all week!

Loved swimming at grandma's house and these 2 boys

These three loved to be together!

My little cutie at camp

Jason and I in Leavenworth. 

By the camp fire

More fun by the fire

Carter caught some fish on the last day at the lake

The girls plus grandma (my mom). She is taking the picture

On our last day, the girls got our nails did

On our last night in Washington, my mom gave me a gift for my little girls. She got 4 oysters to open and see if they had pearls in them. Pearl is one of June's birth stones, I guess it has two. Anyway, we opened the four oysters and one of them had 2 pearls. Now I have 5 sweet little pearls...one for each of my precious babies. Another way for me to feel that they are always with me and that they lived. Not only that, but that they will be mine forever! Thanks mom, I love them!

Shanna, kylie, Savanah, Ellie, and Lexi

My sweet little pearls

On our way there and back, we were even able to stop and see my grandma and grandpa. It's my favorite when we get them all to ourselves! We love them so much! I especially enjoyed watching Carter jump on the tramp, build with blocks, and do a lot of the things I used to do whenever we were at grandma's house. There was a moment when I felt very sad, because my little baby boy is no longer a baby. All the moments we have together are fleeting and sometimes it is hard to see him grow up. I don't want him to grow up, I want him to stay little forever.

Jumping on the tramp at great grandma's house

Building blocks at great grandma's house <3

I will always treasure this picture with great grandma

Love these treasures 

After our wonderful trip, we came home to the 24th of July, pioneer day! Carter and I got up super early just to get a good seat for the awesome 2 hour parade in Spanish Fork. It was so much fun! It was a little hard to see my little man all by himself. I had a few moments with tears in my eyes, especially when he begged for a friend to be with him and not his mom. We were sitting by a family with many kids who were enjoying the parade together, and I thought about how I wanted that so bad. I always dreamed of having a big family, and for Carter to have brothers and sisters to do things with. Some times it's hard to swallow the knowledge that all of the siblings we tried to give him are no longer here on earth.

The moment that made me super sad for my sweet boy

We've been talking to Carter about possibly getting a pet to be his little buddy. After looking at a few possibilities we finally decided on a cute little puppy. His name is Bruno, and I think he's just what we needed. Someone to love and care for. I'm excited for Carter and Bruno to grow up together!

Carter hosing Bruno on the way home

Our cute little Bruno

Well, we don't have any more trips this summer, but life has a way of keeping us busy. Until next time, be thankful for what you've been given and take time to make memories with your little ones!