Cancer [kan-ser] noun: A six letter word I never thought I would
use to describe myself.
Sorry to my 3 readers (other than my family) out there, for
being a slacker on blogging. Our little family has been on quite the adventure,
and really it has only been the beginning.
In December a couple of cute little four year olds in my
primary class vomited at church. I felt like being their teacher I needed to
help out. I never thought from cleaning up and getting the flu from touching a
little bit of vomit, that I would be where I am today…
After the flu I started having crazy symptoms as if I never
really got over it. I was so thirsty all the time, I would sit down and
instantly fall asleep (not a good thing with a little one crawling around),
losing so much weight I thought I’d disappear. I never had an appetite and
eating actually made me feel so nauseous. I thought it was a smart thing to see
my doctor, but after some blood work and he telling me that whatever was
happening was basically in my head, I was angry and confused. I wasn't sure if
I was making it up. Finally Jason had had enough of seeing me so sick and disintegrating
in front of his eyes, he wanted me to see a specialist. Following a few other
people’s reaction to the way I looked, I decided it wasn’t in my head and Jason
was right. I needed to see a specialist!
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| I cried when I tried on size 0 jeans. losing 25lbs for no reason, stinks! |
Well, more tests, lots of IVs and being poked, and an MRI
later, my doctor apologized for not being able to help me any longer. My
condition was not the simple pituitary tumor that happens to some women after
having a baby. I was referred to an oncologist, and later a neurologist. Sitting
with Jason holding my hand and hearing that I not only had one tumor, but two
was something so surreal I didn't know how to react. Finding out they would
also need a biopsy of one of the tumors through brain surgery was also
something I never thought I would hear in my life. Yet it’s all real, and it’s literally
in my head. 2 rapidly growing tumors that will completely change my life
forever.
I will be having brain surgery on June 2, 2014 where they
will literally crack open my skull. From a biopsy of the tumor tissue, they will then determine what my treatment needs to be. You would think I should be terrified, but surprisingly
I’m only a little scared. I know that for some reason all this has happened to
our little family. I know that everything is going to be ok, because I need to
go through this to either learn something, or to give someone else strength and
comfort. That might sound crazy to some people, but I know that God is my
loving Heavenly Father! He does not do things to us because we are bad, or
because we deserve to have awful things happen to us. He gives us trials like
these so we may rise up and reach our fullest potential. He only has what’s
best for me in mind. So much has come together for me to have this happen so
quickly, and it is obviously heavenly intervention. I am so thankful for all
the prayers that have been said in my behalf, and want you to know that they
have been and will be answered.
The only thing that does terrify me, I won’t be able to be a
mother to my sweet little Carter for a long time. His earliest memories of me might be being
sick all the time from Chemo or Radiation (whatever the treatment is that needs
to happen). I love this little boy with all of my heart, and it’s hard to think
that someone else will have to take care of him for a while.
