Life in the Carolinas

Today my little Shanna girl would be 8 months old. It's never the month anniversary of her death that makes my heart hurt, but the month anniversary of her birth. It makes me think about what could have been, and sometimes that is more haunting.

For some reason I thought moving out to north Carolina might make things a little easier. That maybe being around people who didn't know what happened in our family would help us not remember as much. Now I always think in my mind, if only they knew... If only they knew our sweet baby girl. If only they knew what she went through and why the 17th of every month is so hard for me. If only they knew.

My sister visited her grave and decorated for Christmas. 

His faces always make me giggle

I thought the 8 month old babies would make me cry now. I was wrong. It's still the new tiny ones that make me think of Shanna. I have seen pictures of so many friends with their sweet baby girls, and sometimes it stings. Sometimes I think, why couldn't that be us? Why can't our family have our Shanna? Why couldn't she have been healthy? Why did she have to leave us so soon? Why was I never able to hear her laugh, see her roll over for the first time and sit up? Why was I never able to dress her like a healthy baby and always have to look out for wires and cords? But then again, why was I chosen to be a mother to a dear sweet baby girl who was too pure to live in this world? Who was needed in heaven much sooner than I wanted? This whole experience has taught me about a God in heaven who has given me all that I have, because he loves me dearly. He loves me so much that he blessed me with a baby girl who was far more special than I could ever dream of. He blessed me with being able to meet my angel before she was called to where she needs to be. He blessed me with a husband I could not dream of being without. With a little boy who takes the pain away and makes me smile everyday. With a beautiful family that will be mine forever, and all because this loving God gave me His son. When I think of all that I don't have, I realize my blessings are far greater. I realize what a wonderful life I have. What a loving father in heaven I have, who knows exactly what I need.

Sorry to always start on the sadder side of things, but I promise to make you smile by the end. North Carolina has been great! I am so glad we get to be here, but then return to our family and friends we miss so much. We've only been in North Carolina for 2 weeks and I already feel as if I have an accent. Here are our north Carolina adventures.

Jason

Working as hard as ever! He is really not liking the long commute, and we hate that he gets home at 6 pm every night, but he has a job and we are grateful! Carter is always so happy when daddy comes home to play, dads are so much more fun to play with! I love it when Jason comes home too!

At the science center today

At the science center with the sting rays

Carter

Carter misses his friends dearly, and is adjusting to being in an apartment. I think he loves the fact that we leave to go do something everyday. We've been to tons of different story times (there's 8 libraries in our city), hit up the Greensboro children's museum, went to a trampoline park and jumped for hours, experienced the Greensboro Science Center (zoo,aquarium, and children's museum in one), and have met so many new friends. To say the least, I think he's enjoyed himself here.

Our favorite day at the trampoline park

My cute little monkey

Carter being a doctor at the Children's Museum

Playing at the Super Market

I think I've managed to wear him out just about every day

First time at the trampoline park

driving the train

Didn't you know stickers on your face was a new thing?

Clarissa

I was expecting it to be a little warmer than it has been, but I haven't let that stop us. I am always so excited to get in our car and go see the next thing. I have already met so many people, and I love that no matter where I have gone, someone always stops to say hello to us. We have been doing the 12 days of Christmas to a family in our complex, and I've loved being able to be creative and think about what we;re going to do next. Now that we are not doing joy school any more, it has been fun to continue teaching Carter and helping him continue to learn.

How can this face not melt your heart <3

I must say that the most interesting experience we have had with living here, is that we have house keeping come every two weeks. So... We left the apartment on a grand adventure, hoping it would take us all day. I felt very weird leaving our house a disaster, and then thinking... that's ok, house keeping in coming today... and off we went. We had so much fun at the trampoline park. We met new friends, made future plans to meet again, danced like crazy, and played a mean game of dodge ball. It was mostly just Carter and I chasing after each other, but we loved it. Afterwards we ate lunch at a park (in our car because it was way too windy), did some shopping, explored the area where we live, and I thought for sure the house keeping people had to be done. 2 hours later, we were still locked out and watching Christmas movies in our car. It was lovely... but I think I would have liked it if I didn't look like a creeper in my car lol. 

Well to all of you, I hope you are having adventures of your own! You have to be with all that wonderful cold weather and lots of snow right? We love and miss all of you! Happy reading!

We got a real tree!!!

A wreath I finally was able to finish

Part of the 12 days... I wish I took a picture of every night

Another 12 days creation. There's a real candle behind the paper one...

Thanksgiving and New Beginnings

I love the Christmas season! It is by far the best ever (although sometimes I can do without the snow). Love and kindness seems to be remembered and radiates through those who strive to remember the true meaning of the season. I am also a firm believer in celebrating Thanksgiving (before listening to Christmas music), and recognizing Gods hand in all the blessings we enjoy. Thanksgiving is one of my favorites as well, although I am not always sure why. Most of the time we just sit around stuffing our faces. The thing I love most though, is that we are sitting around, doing nothing, but enjoying each other.

Most years our little family attends Thanksgiving celebrations at my grandma’s house. I love going to her house, because it holds so many memories and feelings of love there. It’s almost considered a family reunion with everyone we have! There is just something about spending time with your parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, amazing grandparents, and sharing it all with your child. This year was a little difficult knowing that it would have been Shanna’s first Thanksgiving, but I still felt so blessed to have the rest of my family with me.

Well, our days were filled of lots of visiting, watching football, taking naps, movies, eating, and of course lots of time to enjoy what we have been blessed with. Carter absolutely LOVED being there. Any thought of us having to go soon crushed him. He loved playing with his cousin Deklan, and whenever they were apart they constantly asked about each other. It made me think about all of Carter’s friends that he loves and would miss terribly while on our adventure in North Carolina.

One of Carter's favorite cousins. 

We're already missing our Spanish Fork friends

As Carter would tell you, "My best friend Kate!"

I still don’t think Carter quite understands that we have a new home. He absolutely loved the journey here and being able to ride in 2 airplanes! He thought he was one lucky kid. We left on November 30^th at 6:00 am MST, and finally unlocked the door of our new home in North Carolina at 11:30pm EST. Needless to say, it was a very, very, long day. During our flights, I got terribly sick (I hate turbulence, and it got pretty bad!), I heard, “Mommy I’m hungry!” about every ten seconds, and I watched my sweet little boy as he slept, knowing that I am far blessed than I recognize every day.

Us as we were pulling into the Salt Lake Airport

I've never seen him so excited about a plane!

Instead of sitting with us, he was looking at all the airplanes.

Right before taking off

Sweet boy fell asleep just before take off on plane #2

When we left Salt Lake City it was 17 degrees outside, and when we landed it North Carolina, it was 70! My dream winter weather! We have loved our time here so far (4 days) and often think of our Spanish Fork home. Carter still asks for his friends, and in fact asked to go to his friend Kate’s house the first morning we were here. He still tells everyone that he lives in Utah, and he has already made fast friends. I think we are going to like our time her and experience lots of new adventures.

Jason is amazed with the factory here. He says that they make tubs and tubs of Tollhouse Cookie D

ough, and they taste test each batch every day to make sure that it is perfection. He might be bringing us home some tubs of cookie dough, so I might look a little different when we return. I love my Nestle sweets!!!

Carter in his new room.

Our first day in Greensboro

Living in an apartment has been a HUGE change for me. It seems as if we are the only family in our complex with a young child, but they have a great gym where I can work off those cookie dough calories, and I’m sure there are people here who need our friendship too. We just have to find them, and find them before this small apartment living makes me go insane lol. Having neighbors so close to us again has been a big adjustment, but we’ve been pretty good about being busy all day everyday exploring our city. I think tomorrow we’ll visit the Children’s museum! Anyways… Until next time, Happy Reading! 

Carter got to see Santa!

Candle Fest in Greensborro