I started this blog a long time ago, after Jason and I got married. I started it to share all our adventures, to update family without having to make a zillion phone calls, and always share our happy news. I never dreamed in a million years I would also share our sorrows too. Especially ones so heart wrenching. Some times I feel like I should have moved on by now. I should begin everyday thankful for what I've been given, and never look back at what has been taken away. I never thought I'd still be hurting so bad. Every moment is different though. There are moments when I am so blissfully happy and seconds later the tears won't stop coming. There are days when I feel so defeated, and days when I've been given a surge of strength. I wonder if this will ever go away. If this is how it will always be.
I think children have a way of tuning into how their mothers feel. Carter usually wants nothing to do with me, and always wants to be surrounded by friends. The past couple of weeks I've heard so many I love yous and so many, mommy will you play with me? I've gotten more hugs and kisses lately than I've gotten all year. It's amazing how being wanted and needed, is so healing. My little boy is often the only thing that keeps me going.
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| Carter asking me to play with him at the park |
