I wish I were a writer. There are so many things I want to
capture with words, but I’m not very good at it. I always want to capture sweet
precious moments with my little family with the words that I feel in my heart.
I am pretty sure they are in a completely different language and I am not very
good at translating. We have started a life long journey that will always leave
us with many lessons learned, many stretching and growing experiences, many
times where we see the hand of God in all things.
Our little girl decided to make her grand entrance into the
world at 36 weeks old. It was totally unexpected, exciting, draining,
emotional, and all kinds of things balled all into one. She is here and doing
well though, that’s all that matters.
I will never forget the day we went into the hospital to
find out what we would be having. I was 21 weeks and could not wait, but having
a sick hubby a little boy (who I wanted to share the joy with) could not be in
the room with me. After looking at our sweet baby, my hour appointment seemed
like seconds, and suddenly Jason was holding my hand and the doctor told us
about her heart. Our sweet little baby who would be come to us straight from
heaven with a congenital heart defect and would impact the rest of her life in
many ways. In that moment I felt so hopeless, and scared that our miracle baby
would have to struggle so much in this life.
After a fun filled Friday and Saturday with family, I
started having some not so comfortable contractions. We went home, cleaned the
house (sort of), and put our sweet Carter to bed. Finally laying down at about
11pm, I prayed so hard that our little Shanna would stay in a little longer.
That must have not been God’s will for her, because 1:00 am rolled around and
suddenly I was soaked. A quick phone call to my sister, a quick shower, and a
quick goodbye to my little buddy, and we were driving to go have our baby.
Long story short, I was life flighted from Utah Valley
Regional to The University of Utah Hospital in Salt Lake City, and arrived just
as Jason walked in the door (he had to drive). 6 hours (which seemed like
seconds) after arriving, little Shanna Kay Osborn came into the world at 5lbs
10oz, and handed through a window to the NICU. I was able to touch her for a
quick second, and in that moment I fell in love with her. My heart ached even
more for the trials and burdens she would have to deal with in her life.
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| The first time we saw her since being born. |
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| The first time I got to hold her <3 |
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| Our baby girl in the cardiac ICU. |
After I was discharged from the hospital, we were given a
miracle. Our baby girl was moved from the Cardiac ICU to a regular room, where
we could hold her, feed her, love on her, and really cherish our time with her.
I loved talking to her, rocking her, and living in a world I wanted to be in,
with our daughter doing so well. Our wonderful time together was cut short as
she was wheeled down to do a pre-surgery procedure. The procedure went well,
but her heart started showing some irregularities so she was placed back in the
ICU. That’s where we are now… waiting for our little girl to recover and get
ready for the scariest and hardest thing I have yet to endure in this life. She’ll
be going into open heart surgery next Friday morning.
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| Shanna after being moved to a regular room! |
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| Daddy's little girl <3 |
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| Shanna girl after her procedure. We're hoping for a fast recovery! |
There have been so many emotions during this whole thing.
For the first couple of days, I couldn’t stop asking why. Why does my baby girl
have to go through this? Why when I prayed so hard for her to be healthy while
she was inside of me, was she given this burden of health? Why has a loving
Heavenly Father allowed this to happen? Why does it have to happen to our
family? The only answer I have felt, is that we are going to learn so much and
touch so many people’s lives. We are going to see the miracles of God brought
through this little girl of ours. God has a plan for each and every one of us.
He wants for us, only the greatest blessings. He can only help us reach our
full potential and bless us when we go through growing experiences and trials.
We are in his hands, and he will take care of us. It may not be in the way we
want it to be or plan on it being, but it will be for our good.
Carter is doing great through all of this! He is loving life
with Grandma and has hardly even noticed mommy and daddy’s absence during this
whole thing. We’ve been able to see him a couple of times, and it always brings
me to tears. I’ve missed my little buddy, but I think he has the strength that
he needs and knows that we love him so much! Our experience here has seemed
like an eternity and we still have at least a month left to endure, but the
thought that keeps coming into my mind is; this shall be but a small moment.
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| Grandma is playing a ton with him outside! |
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| My big little boy. |
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| I miss him every day.... |
