Heaven's New Angel

Her name was Shanna Kay Osborn. She was the most beautiful baby girl I have ever seen, and I loved her with my whole heart. Today we had to say goodbye, as her Father in Heaven called her home. She was too perfect for this world. She had come here to love us and give us so much happiness, and fulfill the mission here on earth. She received a beautiful broken body, and now she is without limitations or pain. There will always be a piece missing in our world here on earth. The day we will be able to see her again, will be one of great joy and one we will strive to be worthy of.

The day she came into this world, I fell in love. She was so perfect and pure. We could not believe that our Father in Heaven would trust us with such a special spirit. It radiated from her, and who ever held her fell in love with her instantly. Many of the doctors and nurses went out of their way to check on her and see how she was doing. I think it might have been because she was surrounded by angles helping her through the hardest thing she would face in her little life. After pleading with our Father in Heaven to help her get through surgery, and begging to be able to take her home. That day will forever live in my memory.

The Day I met her. April 17, 2016

Days before surgery. She was so beautiful!

We took her home on May 12, 2016 and were ready for whatever came our way. We knew she would not be like other babies, and would need more support and help doing the little things. Her care was a 24/7 job, and we were so happy and willing to do it. Every day was a blessing we were given to get to know her and love her. Although our life was interrupted by many doctor visits, Shanna was a trooper. She was a warrior princess and took every challenge like a champ. I will never forget those sweet smiles. It was a gift to us to be able to hold her and comfort her in those trying times. She sure loved to cuddle, and we did too. Our neglected house was definitely a testament to that, and I will never regret that.

Moments we shared at home

The first time we took her to church

Right before started tummy time... She hated it!

Carter was so proud of her.

Father’s a Sons was Friday night, and I LOVED every minute of having that little girl to myself. Even though it was hard to get up every 3 hours to change her feeding pump, I loved getting up and just staring at her. She was so perfect still and I loved every molecule of that sweet baby girl. Saturday night when Jason and Carter were home, it was as if she was trying to tell us something. Finally at about 4am, we brought her into bed to cuddle with us. Little did we know, those would be some of the last moments we would have with her here on Earth. As 7:30am on Sunday July 10^th came around we noticed a different cry. She then became cold and blue. We decided then that we needed to get her help. We started getting her ready, and I watched as our sweet baby stopped breathing. I could not believe what was happening, it did not seem real, and was as if my worst nightmare was playing before my eyes.

One of her cuddles. I think I held her for about an hour.

The ambulance got there shortly after, although it seemed like gruling hours of CPR. I jumped in with her without any shoes, and had no idea that hours later I would be holding her lifeless body, and saying good bye. It was so hard to watch them try to bring her back to life. I felt so sick and wanted to throw up. A piece of me was laying on that hospital table without a heartbeat. Jason and I left the room and held each other so tightly. I don’t think I have ever cried that hard in my life nor do I ever care to cry that hard again. My heart was breaking. Her spirit was gone, and there was no bringing it back no matter how hard we tried.

One of the last pictures I took of her

The rest of the day only got harder. We had so many wonderful friends and family to try to lift us. Many tears and prayers were said. Even the EMT team came and wept with us. We sat and held our baby girl together as we thought of the hole that would always be in our hearts. The worst moment of my life, that I will ever experience, was having to let go of her sweet body. No one should ever have to feel the pain that I had to feel as I let go of her lifeless body, knowing I would never hold her again in this life.

I will never forget the bond they shared.

Going home was another kind of pain. Everywhere I looked screamed Shanna. Her bottles in the fridge, her car seat waiting for us to put her in it. The oxygen tank that we had to carry around with us. The feeding supplies, her clothes, her bed, all of it. I am so thankful for my Aunt and Uncle who got to our house first and put most of those things away. I don’t know if I could have handled seeing her jammies we ripped off of her as we started CPR, or the milk all over the floor that came from her little mouth as we did compressions. Scenes that will forever play in my head.

Although this hurts so bad… I know that we will see her again. I know that we will be able to raise her and hold her when we finally leave this earth. It gives me hope and helps me to make changes to my life so that I will be worthy of seeing her again. Oh Shanna girl… we will always love you and we will miss you every day, until we meet again baby girl. Until we meet again.