Shanna's Journey

My fave picture of her so far <3

Today marks the 2 week mark of our little girl's birth. We have been through so much in these short 2 weeks, and everything we've learned will touch lives for a lifetime. I never thought I would ever have to deal with cancer in my life, and I certainly never thought I would have a child with a heart defect. Our Father in Heaven has great plans for us, and they may never be what we ever expected.

Sweet Shanna, after her procedure on Thursday.

Monday afternoon, our sweet little peanut was wheeled away into the operating room. I tried so hard to prepare for this experience, but when the moment came to say goodbye, I didn't think I could do it. I didn't think I could see my little princess go through so much pain, and could not stand or even entertain the thought of her not coming home with us. I knew it was all out of my hands, and to worry or cray was wasted energy, but I couldn't help it. Her daddy gave her the most beautiful blessing just before they took her, and I think that what he said was more for me than in was for her. For the moments leading up to putting her life in the surgeon's hands, I was given the peace and strength I so desperately needed.

To back up a little bit, Friday April 22nd our little angel was put on the schedule for her open heart surgery. My sisters had planned on still having a baby shower for me the following day, and I thought it would be perfect. I could tell all my friends that she made it through, and take my mind off of my little girl for just a few hours. Well, Thursday they decided to do a procedure to help them map out the surgery, and I was terrified. The doctor had explained the seriousness of the procedure and shortly after talking to him, I found myself begging Jason to be with me. After her procedure, we found out that something went wrong and our sweet little girl had something happen that can be compared to a heart attack. I had the hardest time seeing the ICU again, and a day sooner than we had hoped.

My baby shower still happened, the surgery did not, and it was a break that I needed so much more than I thought I did. It was so good to be around people, who were my friends, and not going through hard things like I am. It was fun to visit, play games, and my sisters did an amazing job! I loved it so much! It was so good to see my little monkey too! Oh how I have missed my little side kick (even if he couldn't care less that I've been gone.

The banner in our living room. Wish I would have gotten more pics of the cute decor.

My sister made the beautiful blanket to put all the gifts on.

The cake <3 I LOVED it!

That night I was able to take Carter with me to the Ronald McDonald house, to give Grandma a break and to give us time to be together as a family. It was so fun to have a sleep over with Carter. We loved on him Saturday night, and all of Sunday. When it was time for Carter to head back home, I couldn't help but feel as if we were only aloud to see our son for that long as if we had visitation rights or something. As I drove him back to our home, I couldn't help but cry as he asked why he couldn't see me. He also asked why he couldn't see his little sister, and all I could say to him was that we would be able to be home all together soon. I bet that these last couple of weeks have felt like an eternity to him.

Carter: "Mommy! That's you and Shanna!" We took him to temple square one day

Well, Monday was the dreaded day, but also a day we were wanting so very much to be done and over with. After we said goodbye and walked out to the waiting room, we were given a pager and told we would be updated through out the surgery. We watched that pager like our lives depended on it, and celebrated every time we heard some thing new. Six and a half hours later, we met with the surgeon who will never know how much he has done for us. He told us the surgery went well, and after getting her stabilized and in her new room in the ICU, we would be able to see her. That wait to see her seemed longer than the 6.5 hour surgery, but eventually we walked down to the ICU and were able to see her.

So hard to see her this way. I didn't get a pic of her after surgery, but this is pretty close. 

This week has played out many wonderful steps and accomplishments. Shanna was able to get her chest closed on Thursday (they leave it open until all the swelling goes down from the surgery), yesterday her chest tubes were taken out (to drain all the fluid build up in her chest cavity), her breathing tube was taken out today, and we were able to hold her. Not to mention Carter was able to see her! It was only for a minute (he did not like the ICU and had to wear a mask), but it made me smile to know that he was able to see her in person.

After getting her chest closed!

She opened her eyes for a little bit. It was so good to see!

Thursday my awesome big sis took my mom and I out to be pampered (my birthday present!). We went and got pedicures, and had a delicious lunch at Cafe Zupas (I love that place!). I loved being able to spend that time with my mom and sister. It was so nice to feel like a normal person, and every time I look at my toes, it makes me smile. They turned out to be pretty cute :) lol.

What do you think?

This weekend we were also able to take Carter to his first movie at the movie theater! I thought he would be so much more blown away by the experience, but it was during nap time (he was super sleepy) and he really just felt like he was watching a movie at home. He even took it upon himself to climb on all the chairs in from of him, and sit somewhere else every 30 seconds. It was so good to spend that time with him though, and show him that we still love him ever so much. Watching movies is going to be a bad habit we have to break when we are finally home together again.

Today we attended a testimony meeting with the hospital branch. It was very powerful to be sitting with so many people who have sick children and are going through a very hard time in their lives. The lessons we learn from our hardships in this life, are eternal and were given to us to teach us and to help those around us who are going through similar experiences. It was refreshing to be spiritually uplifted, and it solidified all that I have learned about the plan of Salvation and the promises that are given to us if we endure this life well. We are never left alone in our sarrows and trials. Jesus Christ suffered that the he could better understand and help us through the experiences we have in this life. We have been sent angels in so many forms, and we have continued to see wonderful miracles. God does hear and answer our prayers!

Well, now that Carter and Jason are gone, I am feeling more alone than I have all week. I hope that I will be able to remember all the things I have learned through all of this, and help bring comfort and hope to those who are around me. Tomorrow is another day, and I have a feeling we are going to see more wonderful things happen! Until then... happy reading.

 P.S. We didn't take a single picture of Carter this weekend :( Epic FAIL! Not that he would have cooperated anyway. How do you remember to take pictures? I always remember hours later, sometimes even days later, that I didn't take a picture!