Is this really happening?

Cancer [kan-ser] noun:  A six letter word I never thought I would use to describe myself.

Sorry to my 3 readers (other than my family) out there, for being a slacker on blogging. Our little family has been on quite the adventure, and really it has only been the beginning.

In December a couple of cute little four year olds in my primary class vomited at church. I felt like being their teacher I needed to help out. I never thought from cleaning up and getting the flu from touching a little bit of vomit, that I would be where I am today…

After the flu I started having crazy symptoms as if I never really got over it. I was so thirsty all the time, I would sit down and instantly fall asleep (not a good thing with a little one crawling around), losing so much weight I thought I’d disappear. I never had an appetite and eating actually made me feel so nauseous. I thought it was a smart thing to see my doctor, but after some blood work and he telling me that whatever was happening was basically in my head, I was angry and confused. I wasn't sure if I was making it up. Finally Jason had had enough of seeing me so sick and disintegrating in front of his eyes, he wanted me to see a specialist. Following a few other people’s reaction to the way I looked, I decided it wasn’t in my head and Jason was right. I needed to see a specialist!

I cried when I tried on size 0 jeans. losing 25lbs for no reason, stinks!

Well, more tests, lots of IVs and being poked, and an MRI later, my doctor apologized for not being able to help me any longer. My condition was not the simple pituitary tumor that happens to some women after having a baby. I was referred to an oncologist, and later a neurologist. Sitting with Jason holding my hand and hearing that I not only had one tumor, but two was something so surreal I didn't know how to react. Finding out they would also need a biopsy of one of the tumors through brain surgery was also something I never thought I would hear in my life. Yet it’s all real, and it’s literally in my head. 2 rapidly growing tumors that will completely change my life forever.

I will be having brain surgery on June 2, 2014 where they will literally crack open my skull. From a biopsy of the tumor tissue, they will then determine what my treatment needs to be. You would think I should be terrified, but surprisingly I’m only a little scared. I know that for some reason all this has happened to our little family. I know that everything is going to be ok, because I need to go through this to either learn something, or to give someone else strength and comfort. That might sound crazy to some people, but I know that God is my loving Heavenly Father! He does not do things to us because we are bad, or because we deserve to have awful things happen to us. He gives us trials like these so we may rise up and reach our fullest potential. He only has what’s best for me in mind. So much has come together for me to have this happen so quickly, and it is obviously heavenly intervention. I am so thankful for all the prayers that have been said in my behalf, and want you to know that they have been and will be answered.

The only thing that does terrify me, I won’t be able to be a mother to my sweet little Carter for a long time. His earliest memories of me might be being sick all the time from Chemo or Radiation (whatever the treatment is that needs to happen). I love this little boy with all of my heart, and it’s hard to think that someone else will have to take care of him for a while.

In the midst of all these trials, we have had had fun creating so many memories. Here are a couple of happy pictures to look at before I say adios. Once I have recovered (about 2 weeks) from this surgery, I will keep you updated on my story. May the odds be ever in my favor! J Happy reading!

We went to Twin to try out Carter's new floaty

We loved swimming together!

Carter wasn't too fond of pictures

He thought we were crazy for taking so many 

These boys are my world! I love them :)

Carter and Daddy made me breakfast in bed for Mother's Day!

His cute new outfit. We were hanging out after moving the couches around in the living room.

This little boy is my everything! I hope he remembers me being his mom.

He loves to try on mommy's bra, and daddy's tie :)

A beautiful mom and her baby. We got to visit Siehara after she had Carmen!

I am so in love with my little niece already!

Carter and I being silly with my phone

He doesn't look like a baby anymore... he's my sweet little boy

We went to a splash pad one day... he hated the cold water, but loved to sit in the grass :)