A Force for Good

Oh how we love this little boy!

Hello there! What a crazy month September was, and I'm having trouble realizing that it's already October! Some days flew by and some days seemed to drag on, but we've been busy making memories, and making our new house a home! 

My little princess

September was full of afternoon walks in the hot sun when the air was breathable, praying for families who lost their homes to wild fires, and trying to stay on top of learning at home. I often think of all the people in the world and marvel that we have a loving heavenly father who is aware of every single one of us. Although it may not seem like it at times, He is there hoping that we will make the most of our journey here in earth. What's wonderful, is that we are given each other to hold tight to, and continue on if we so choose. So many of you have been those angels lifting us up and allowing my heart broken family to grasp on to. You'll never know how much you can change someone's life (and how much you have charged our lives) by doing one simple kind thing.

These two have become best friends❤

           

Yummy cinnamon rolls

We started off our October with neighbors, crepes, waffles, cinnamon rolls, and general conference. Probably the best way EVER to start off the month! General conference brings so much hope, peace, and light to my soul. I always look forward to our family traditions, and hearing wonderful words from church leaders. It sets me on fire to do my very best and strive to become a little better each day. This life is so much more than just surviving, but it's about creating memories and loving on each other! After all, we are all God's children and we're all in this together. 

I've been working on this post since Sunday and wasn't really sure what to share with all of you, that would make your day better or give you the strength to carry on today, but I did think about my journey. Through this crazy pandemic and quarantine, things have been hard. I'm quite certain that one day when things go back to "normal," there are going to be so many people we discover have been suffering. People were never meant to be alone, and so many have been alone. I want to be a force of good in this world, a source of light that lifts people up and helps them keep going. There are so many sad things that happen in this world, but without the sad we wouldn't know the good and how we can be the good. 

Our conference fort 

Conference shenanigans 🤪 

The world often makes December the month of acts of kindness to those who might be struggling. What if we stand together and make the rest of 2020 something to remember other than a hard pandemic?! Let's reach out to family members, neighbors, strangers, to make this world a better place! Check out justserve.org, write a note, open a door for a stranger, drop off a treat to a neighbor, call a friend who's been on your mind, do something simple to make our world a little brighter. You will be amazed at how much your world can change just by thinking of others! We are the ones that have the power to change our world!

I didn't have much to share about our family today, but I hope I will have more to share on how we made 2020 a brighter year for those around us. Have a fabulous week! I hope you can realize the force for good you are and can be!

We love books at our house

My sweet little 2nd grade

Life is Always Changing

 Hello there! It sure has been a long time since I've shared anything about our adventures. Every day is an adventure, but it's the craziness of life and the lack of motivation I've had lately, that has made it a little difficult to share updates and fun. Our family is surviving this crazy world we live in now, and we had many outings and adventures along the way. 

Oregon Coast

July was filled with many camping trips and exploring the area of California we live in. We've really fallen in love with this place, something I never thought would happen, but here we are. We've been up to the mountains, discovered lakes and rivers around us, high tailed it to the coast on hot days, and spent many hours in our pool. I'm not sure if we'll ever leave the central valley. It's an incredible place with incredible people!

Happy 4th at Pine Flat Lake CA

In the beginning of August, we were sad not to have our giant family reunion, but my immediate family put our heads together and planned a week on the Oregon coast. We took 2 days to road trip it there, saw awesome friends we've missed very much, and had an incredible week in a beach house all together. The week flew by with seafood, riding ATVs on the dunes, hot tubbing, swimming in the ocean, hanging out on the beach, and going on an awesome hike. We stayed up late every night playing games, catching up, and making T- shirts. It was a much needed week, and a week we will all remember for years to come. Family is everything, and being away from everyone has been hard. I'm so thankful for the weeks and days we get together. We always play hard and make it worth it!

Seeing awesome friends in Oregon. 

Pics during the easy part of an adventurous hike.

The weekend before leaving on our big trip, we committed to purchasing a new home, and committing to a life of better health. We will miss our wonderful neighbors, but will still be within minutes of visiting and serving each other. It'll be an exciting experience meeting new friends and creating new bonds and friendships with our neighbors and new church ward members. 

Last weekend, we made our way to a very eventful and exciting time with extended family in Utah. We left the daddy at home to make preparations for listing our beautiful home, and I took 3 crazy kiddos on a 2 day road trip. We loved seeing family, celebrating the fantastic decision of 2 people to get married, and another to serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints to Dallas Texas. It was a trip to remember, with lots of screaming, crying, and having my sweet little girl freak out whenever I was out of sight. It will be a fun memory for sure!

We stopped to see the girls' grave.

Sharing some dinner in the hotel.

I started a new journey in becoming a health coach for Optavia, and have been blown away by how I feel and the passion I have for being and staying healthy for the rest of my life. I love how the program teaches you how to make lifestyle changes and witness life time transformation. I am so excited to share my knowledge and help people pull together to lift each other up. We all need to have healthy bodies, healthy minds, and healthy finances during this interesting and scary time in our lives. I'm looking forward to sharing my experiences through this unique program.

Alright, enough about me! Here's what's been going on with our crazy crew.

Carter

Summer with the TV on.

Best big brother!

Carter started 2nd grade with full distance learning. He loves seeing his classmates, but misses seeing them in person. He is always up for a play date, and has become my little fish. The constant sought out activity is going swimming in our backyard. It's a little tricky with 2 babies, but we always find a way to make our big boy Carter happy. With the adjustment of staying home all the time, our TV has had more time with Carter's favorite shows and video games. I love when he's helpful and I'm often thankful for his willingness to get diapers and babies.

Daxton

I love this crazy boy of mine

This little sweetheart has been a blessing to our family. He keeps me on my toes with his curious personality, and quietness is never a good sign. He's loud, rambunctious, loves to wrestle with his big brother, and gives his little sister lots of loves and kisses. He may take time to warm up to you, but when he does, you better be ready for lots of affection. When he hears music, he can't help but move and groove. His incredible dance skills make everyone around him smile!

My big 2 year old.

 I can't believe he's 2 years old!!

Callie

Sweetest Girl EVER!

This beautiful little lady is the princess and favorite in our family. Although she often has a fiesty attitude, one look at her makes you melt. She loves her mommy more than anything, and has a hard time with new people, but her sweet personality can be felt and recognized by all who meet her. Callie's number one goal in life right now is to walk. We practice everyday and she's getting closer and closer. I'm not ready for by beautiful baby to grow up, but I know she's going to do amazing things. I love this little girl with all my heart. 

She's growing up so fast!

Jason

Love this crazy family of mine

Now this man is the head and heart of our family. He's adored by his little boys, and is the best dad and husband anyone could ever wish for. He loves on his children fiercely, and supports me through all my ideas and passions. He is always thinking about the future and making sure we all have the things we want and need. He's always serving others, and trying his best to make our lives fun and full of laughs. He's always willing to give me time by myself, and even surprised me with a night alone while he took the kids. Even though we're not always the best of friends, he let's me know how much he loves me. He is incredible, what more can I say?

Riding on the dunes.

Being at home all the time, and caring for 3 busy energetic children, hasn't been the easiest feat, but at the end of everyday I remember how incredibly blessed I am. I've been keeping up my teaching license by taking classes and started the 5&1 plan with Optavia. I've witnessed incredible blessings of good nutrition, and love that I have energy to play with my kids everyday and create memories with them. I've discovered so many hopes and dreams that I have for myself and my family, and although I'm sad about moving, I'm excited to experience new things, meet new people, and help my children thrive. It's funny how we see so many blessings in hard times, and realize we are never alone. I how this post finds you happy, healthy, and full of love for life! Have an amazing week!!!

This adorable face is always somewhere nearby

Past, Present, and Future

Past

Sometimes I find myself stuck in the past. So much hurt and loss to remember. I have always marveled at the way our past can shape us. The past never really goes away and becomes a part of us each step of this journey we call life. It's really up to us to choose what we want to do with our past too. We can choose to embrace it, hate it, love it enough to want to go back, or just plain not care. Each of our actions are driven by the past we've lived. It is so connected to who we are deep down in our very souls. This week, and every hard anniversary, I am reminded of the past and what I have learned because of it.

I never thought I would treasure the sound of a crying baby. Now don't get me wrong, it doesn't make me happy when a sweet little human being has their world unraveled and can only communicate through crying; but I never thought the absence of that would be so unnerving. 3 years ago, I had the experience of not hearing a cry. At first I didn't notice it, but then I realized that the absence of that cry meant that a very hard road was ahead.

I'll never forget that night before my sweet quadruplets came. I'll never forget those feelings as I lay there hoping that they would all be OK, and that months from that moment, they would all be in my arms happy and healthy. I never thought I would have to go through the experience of saying goodbye to more of my children.

I can't believe they would be 3!

I feel like this blog is never what I meant for it to be. I wanted to share our happy adventures, I wanted a place to share all my experiences, and somehow change the way a person thought about how beautiful this life is. I never imagined writing about my grueling experience with brain tumors, infertility, the death of 5 children, and suddenly falling into the trap of only sharing darkness. Those pieces of darkness are part of me, but they've always helped me see the light and the silver lining. While I never got to experience of hearing my girls cry for the first time, or ever, now when my children do cry...I don't always look at it as an annoyance, but as a blessing. They are alive. I can hear them, and I get to be their mother! I get to love and care for them.

There's been a lot of past in the news lately. The sad notion our country once had of skin color playing the very factor of changing our thoughts that we are not equal. The awful reality of some individuals still making the same mistakes. The past can come back to haunt us, but every action we take is our choice! Everyone has a story no matter their race.

Present

Is there ever really a present? Many times I find myself thinking about the past and future, but there are only fleeting moments where I catch myself in the present. I remember, 3 years ago, I wanted more than anything for the present to become my past. I didn't want to live in the present anymore, because it hurt too much. Every morning that phone in my hospital room rang, I wanted to chuck it out the window. My prayers changed from help my girls to make it through this, to please help me with all this awful hurt.

My handsome boys at Kings Canyon National Park

Hanging out in the cold.

The present however, can be a wonderful time to reflect on the past and commit to making things better. To loving more, showing more kindness, more patience, and always reaching for the better. I find myself in the present when I'm holding and comforting a crying child. When my 7 year old boy asks ME to play with him. When suddenly I realize I can be that car that pays for the people behind me.

COVID buddies

The present in our country can be very scarey at times, and very disheartening. The thing we need to realize is that we are all in this together. No matter our skin color, no matter our race, we are the human family trying to navigate through all the challenges that the present can bring. You would think a crazy pandemic would do that to a nation, but here we are with still so much hate and anger. Hate and anger will change nothing for the better! Things will only change and get better if we love each other.

Future

No one can predict the future. We can only hope that it will be brighter than our past. Especially for our precious children. My little baby daughters, all 5 of them, are in my future. I know it, and that is what pushes me forward each day. I never got to raise them here on earth, but once I leave, I know that if I've done my very best they will be waiting for me.

I know I'm not the only one with a hard past, that has shaped my present, and changed the way I see the future. We can never know of all the painful things someone has been through, and it is because of that we need to love everyone more than ever. Your excuse for how you are could be your past, but why not make it why you try a little harder, love a little more, and trust that you're changing a tiny part of your world. You have it in yourself and only yourself to do what's right and hope others will follow suit. Protesting, angry yelling, looting, and saying hateful things toward others, is only going to make it worse. I hope you will band with me in making the world a better place! Instead of being quick to judge, and quick to tell your part of the story; let's strive to listen and remember that we all have a story. Happy reading, happy serving, happy caring!

My Beautiful little girl

 

Our awesome little man

 

My whole world <3

Shanna Kay Osborn

Four years ago today, I met my daughter for the first time. It was a crazy morning with a phone call to my little sister and a helicopter ride to the University of Utah Hospital. I remember being so scared, because she was a month early and would undergo open heart surgery in a few short days. The moment I met her, however, all those scared feelings went away and all I felt was joy. Joy that she'd be mine forever no matter what, and joy that she made it to this world safely. For that moment my world was perfect, but then she was taken from my arms and the whirlwind began.

Hours after she was born

Little Shanna was teeny. She weight 5lbs. 10oz and the nurses brought her back to me in an incubator from the NICU, I marveled at her perfect, tiny body from the outside, and couldn't picture a broken heart on the inside. She had only stayed in the NICU for one hour and did so well that they put her with us in a recovery room. I will always treasure those days with her. That was they only time we were able to be "normal" with her. We could hold her, cuddle her, feed her, change her diapers, and the only difference was that we were in the hospital.

My precious baby girl

The weeks and short months with her after that, were a roller coaster. When I think of her however, I think about her smile every time we gave her a bath. I think of her tiny head bobbling as she tried to look up at me while I held her on my shoulder. I think of the noises she made, and that last morning with her. I think of the miracles in all of it, and how I wasn't alone when it all happened. I picture her as a beautiful tiny angel that is constantly checking in on us.

Holding my little girl

She would be 4 years old today. Although it was four years ago, the pain of losing her is still very raw. It hurts to think that we can't celebrate her birth with her, but what we continue to do on her birthday is serve. That's why we are all on this earth together. To serve and love each other. Today we will be helping a local nursing home with donations, and in a few short days, we'll be starting Shanna's meals. To help us focus more on others than our pain, would you help us nominate a Healthcare worker that we could provide a meal for? We will be working through our foundation (Shanna Kay Osborn Foundation) to deliver meals for those working on the front lines to combat COVID-19. You can visit our facebook page Here. There will be a post with a link where you can nominate someone and their family. Happy nominating😊

Shanna's big brother loves her so much

Hard Things

9 months!

Well… this is only the 84^th post I’ve started writing since the beginning of January. Here we are staring March in the face and I still haven’t finished any of my thoughts. At first, I started this blog to keep my family updated on all the things Osborn, but now I have found that it is often a place I turn to write out my thoughts. Not that all my thoughts are published, but it’s interesting to look back and see my perspective on the things I have gone through and how all the things that have happened, have changed me. I am stronger because of all the hard things, I have more compassion, more understanding, and I have learned, I can do hard things.  

Callie got to see Great- Grandma

January was a great start to the year 2020. Jason started a new job with a new company, Carter started his basketball season with coach daddy, and Daxton became an expert at walking. Callie, our little princess, tried her first foods, and found that she rather likes eating the real stuff. We are in love with our squishy baby. We all set goals and committed to become better in every way, and planned trips and adventures we wanted to have together. The month started with an extra long break from school for Carter, walking for the first time in shoes for Daxton, and sitting up in a stroller for little Callie. Jason loved learning new things about his new job, and I became a season ticket holder for Broadway, and addicted to The Bachelor. February sped quickly passed us with a trip to Washington and learning how to crawl for the girls, and a trip to San Francisco for the boys. We have become huge fans of how much there is to do and see with in hours of where we live.

My squishy little girl

My world

Yesterday marked February 29^th. A date that only comes around every 4 years. Not only that, but it also ended heart month. A month of awareness for heart disease, heart defects, and heart heroes who continue to live with these medical issues. I had a daughter once, who would have had to endure so much in her life because of her broken heart. Her name was Shanna Kay Osborn, and there is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of her. That’s why I ran a half marathon in her memory in Long Beach on leap day. It was hard, but I did it, and I did it for her!

I loved her snuggles

I think about her everyday<3

It’s funny how our enthusiasm for being better and doing great things can fizzle out pretty quickly within the first few weeks of a new year. I have often felt that way, but this year, I really wanted it to be different. When I thought about all of the hard things my sweet little baby girls has to go through in this life, I thought about something hard I could do for them. In the moment, what is harder than running? Ha ha. I love the feeling afterward, but running for me, is a hard thing.

My T- shirt

I finished!!!

Minutes before the race began, I looked at my play list to make sure I had all the songs I needed, even the one that always makes me think of my Shanna girl. A Better Place by Rachel Platten is a song that I never thought would be as close to heart as it is. My little sister is the culprit to blame. She made a beautiful slide show of pictures of our sweet girl when she was alive. We watched it at her viewing before the funeral services, and I noticed that all the pictures were shown to this song. My sister later told me, that every time she heard that song, she thought of Shanna. Well now when I hear that song, that’s all I think of. My Shanna Girl.

<3

Strangely, that wasn’t the song going through my head at the beginning of the race, but rather the words… “My life is a gift. My life has a plan. My life has a purpose, in Heaven it began.” It made me think of my Shanna girl too. She had a life that was a gift from God. Her life was very short, but it had a plan. Even though her life was short, I know that it did have a purpose. I learned so much from that little girl of mine. I learned that miracles do happen, prayers are answered, we can all do hard things, and that we have a Savior named Jesus Christ who is always there for us no matter how hard things may get. Our Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us. As we trust in him, we will see miracles and receive blessings beyond measure. We may have some bumps along the way, but He will always be there.

Oh my heart<3

Major blessing right here<3

Through the years, I have had hard things happen to me, but I have also had incredible miracles, and blessings beyond measure. Now my life consists of chasing after 2 of the sweetest babies you will ever meet, and wishing my 6-year-old was at home to help retrieve diapers, sippy cups, and bottles, and entertain his little brother. There are days when I try to imagine having all of my children with me. All 8 little cuties racing around the house and having 7 of them under the age of 4. My life is crazy enough as it is, but I do miss my heavenly children every day we are apart. This year I made a goal to run 5 half marathons in memory of my 5 angel girls. It was incredible to start the first one on leap day, and I cannot wait for the next 4! The count down to the 2^nd is on, as I run the Lincoln City Half Marathon on April 4^th! Until then, enjoy your month, and maybe you’ll hear from me again. Happy reading!

My crazy babies

More fun in Washington

He loves his little sister

Cutest pic EVER!!!

Brothers

Sacramento fun

Little cutie

He can walk!

Sacramento temple 

I can't even...

it's cold in San Francisco!

The boys