Where Did April Go?

I was talking to a dear friend the other day and realized I had let more time slip away than usual. I sometimes feel awful because my updates seem like word vomit about the last month or so. I often think I don't make sense because I have so much to update everyone on. My thoughts are jumbled because of all the emotions and memories that I relay in that huge chunk of time. So here goes another word vomit post (probably not the most appealing name, but there you have it). I hope it doesn't get too confusing.

I am a little disappointed in myself. April is a huge, busy month for our little family. So many things have happened to us during this month! April is the month I became a mom for the very first time. It's when I met my angel baby Shanna, and since her passing, it's the month we try our best to reach out to others and focus on the fact that life is hard for everyone. April is not always, the month for Easter, but often times it's the month to reflect on the greatest event in history. The death and resurrection of our savior Jesus Christ. Our Aprils have always been so packed with amazing memories.

Oh my heart<3

To catch you up on what we've been up to, here are all the events that commenced in April (I can't believe it's May already!).

I turned the BIG 30 on Sunday April 7th. It was a wonderful day where I was spoiled and got to watch General Conference while Jason took care of the little one, and helped make incredible conference crepes! Later that day Jason claimed he neededto go help a neighbor with a tedious task, and I knew something was up when he came home with out the kiddos. I got a candle lit dinner with my husband that night. Although I missed my children for that short time, I absolutely loved having Jason all to myself for that hour.

Rockin the 30 look lol

Wednesday April 10th was a day that was greatly anticipated for a 5 year old boy. It was Carter's birthday, and I had a hard time believing my sweet baby boy was turning 6. We surprised him with a special lunch out with mom, dad, and baby brother. His request for dinner was homemade mac n cheese. I think he felt pretty special. Carter has been an incredible helper and strength to us. He was what kept us going after losing all 5 of his sisters. Whenever there was a split second we thought we had it the hardest, we remembered that we were incredibly blessed with this little character. He never ceases to make us laugh, smile, and reminds us that we are not perfect. I will never forget the first time I saw this sweet little boy. After he was all cleaned up and placed in my arms, I felt so close to heaven. I was overwhelmed with love for this tiny little person. Looking back on that day, I only wish time could go a little slower.

My 6 year old rock star

Birthday boy with his mac n cheese

Well, April 7th plus April 10th equals April 17th. The day I met my sweet angel girl. Her birth was a miracle. Although we were devastated she came too soon, we saw God's hand in everything that had happened. I will never forgot the moment they let me hold her. We were expecting to have her in the NICU and not be able to touch her until days later. That day only an hour after being born, they wheeled her in and let me say hello. My heart hurt knowing that the tiny little body I was holding, would go through so much in her lifetime. I never thought her lifetime would be just short of 3 months, but she was too perfect to stay any longer. Her birthday reminds me of those wonderful moments we were blessed to spend with her here on earth. We had a pic nic in the park and released 3 balloons for her 3rd birthday. We love you Shanna girl!

Happy birthday Shanna girl!

On April 26th, our other miracle baby Daxton turned 8 months old! Everyday I feel so blessed and so thankful to Daxton's birth mom. She will never know how much she changed our lives. We love our little island baby! He is doing awesome with rolling around, army crawling, and eating food! He still doesn't have any teeth, but I have a feeling they will make their appearance soon. Mothers who place their babies for adoption amaze me. I have left the hospital with empty arms, and it hurts beyond any pain I could describe. For a mother to choose to bless someone else's life with an angel they have been growing for 9 months, blows me away. While we were in Arkansas with Daxton's birth mom, my heart ached for her, but she was happy to give us some happiness in our life. That's what he has been since day 1. Sunshine and happiness! We could not love him more!

My cute little 8 month old <3

Isn't he the cutest?!

He loves his food!

 Jason totally won husband of the year in the month of April. Not only was he patient and supportive through all of my crazy episodes, but he gave me so many surprises. There were a few mornings when I woke up to an immaculately cleaned house that he must have spends hours on, and all while I was sleeping. He has been super dad every time he came home and played with the boys while I rested. He has calmed me down and let me know that we are in this together. I don't know how I ever deserved him. I'm incredibly lucky to have him for eternity. He is mine forever!

Well, I remained pregnant all through April! This little miracle girl is still growing and thriving inside of me. None of it has been easy, but then again hard things are always worth it. I found out that I have PTSD from having my quads so early and losing them. Everyday has been a struggle to be calm and not worry about having my baby early and losing her too. Even though I know with all my heart, God is in control and he knows what's best for me. I often wonder if I will have to go through more heart ache. Here's to a calm in this crazy storm of life. Happy reading!

Baby girl Osborn<3

35 weeks and feeling it..