Life in the Carolinas

Today my little Shanna girl would be 8 months old. It's never the month anniversary of her death that makes my heart hurt, but the month anniversary of her birth. It makes me think about what could have been, and sometimes that is more haunting.

For some reason I thought moving out to north Carolina might make things a little easier. That maybe being around people who didn't know what happened in our family would help us not remember as much. Now I always think in my mind, if only they knew... If only they knew our sweet baby girl. If only they knew what she went through and why the 17th of every month is so hard for me. If only they knew.

My sister visited her grave and decorated for Christmas. 

His faces always make me giggle

I thought the 8 month old babies would make me cry now. I was wrong. It's still the new tiny ones that make me think of Shanna. I have seen pictures of so many friends with their sweet baby girls, and sometimes it stings. Sometimes I think, why couldn't that be us? Why can't our family have our Shanna? Why couldn't she have been healthy? Why did she have to leave us so soon? Why was I never able to hear her laugh, see her roll over for the first time and sit up? Why was I never able to dress her like a healthy baby and always have to look out for wires and cords? But then again, why was I chosen to be a mother to a dear sweet baby girl who was too pure to live in this world? Who was needed in heaven much sooner than I wanted? This whole experience has taught me about a God in heaven who has given me all that I have, because he loves me dearly. He loves me so much that he blessed me with a baby girl who was far more special than I could ever dream of. He blessed me with being able to meet my angel before she was called to where she needs to be. He blessed me with a husband I could not dream of being without. With a little boy who takes the pain away and makes me smile everyday. With a beautiful family that will be mine forever, and all because this loving God gave me His son. When I think of all that I don't have, I realize my blessings are far greater. I realize what a wonderful life I have. What a loving father in heaven I have, who knows exactly what I need.

Sorry to always start on the sadder side of things, but I promise to make you smile by the end. North Carolina has been great! I am so glad we get to be here, but then return to our family and friends we miss so much. We've only been in North Carolina for 2 weeks and I already feel as if I have an accent. Here are our north Carolina adventures.

Jason

Working as hard as ever! He is really not liking the long commute, and we hate that he gets home at 6 pm every night, but he has a job and we are grateful! Carter is always so happy when daddy comes home to play, dads are so much more fun to play with! I love it when Jason comes home too!

At the science center today

At the science center with the sting rays

Carter

Carter misses his friends dearly, and is adjusting to being in an apartment. I think he loves the fact that we leave to go do something everyday. We've been to tons of different story times (there's 8 libraries in our city), hit up the Greensboro children's museum, went to a trampoline park and jumped for hours, experienced the Greensboro Science Center (zoo,aquarium, and children's museum in one), and have met so many new friends. To say the least, I think he's enjoyed himself here.

Our favorite day at the trampoline park

My cute little monkey

Carter being a doctor at the Children's Museum

Playing at the Super Market

I think I've managed to wear him out just about every day

First time at the trampoline park

driving the train

Didn't you know stickers on your face was a new thing?

Clarissa

I was expecting it to be a little warmer than it has been, but I haven't let that stop us. I am always so excited to get in our car and go see the next thing. I have already met so many people, and I love that no matter where I have gone, someone always stops to say hello to us. We have been doing the 12 days of Christmas to a family in our complex, and I've loved being able to be creative and think about what we;re going to do next. Now that we are not doing joy school any more, it has been fun to continue teaching Carter and helping him continue to learn.

How can this face not melt your heart <3

I must say that the most interesting experience we have had with living here, is that we have house keeping come every two weeks. So... We left the apartment on a grand adventure, hoping it would take us all day. I felt very weird leaving our house a disaster, and then thinking... that's ok, house keeping in coming today... and off we went. We had so much fun at the trampoline park. We met new friends, made future plans to meet again, danced like crazy, and played a mean game of dodge ball. It was mostly just Carter and I chasing after each other, but we loved it. Afterwards we ate lunch at a park (in our car because it was way too windy), did some shopping, explored the area where we live, and I thought for sure the house keeping people had to be done. 2 hours later, we were still locked out and watching Christmas movies in our car. It was lovely... but I think I would have liked it if I didn't look like a creeper in my car lol. 

Well to all of you, I hope you are having adventures of your own! You have to be with all that wonderful cold weather and lots of snow right? We love and miss all of you! Happy reading!

We got a real tree!!!

A wreath I finally was able to finish

Part of the 12 days... I wish I took a picture of every night

Another 12 days creation. There's a real candle behind the paper one...