Radiation: Week 4 & 5!

23 treatments down... only 2 MORE TO GO!!!

What a wild ride this has been! We are so excited to be going home to Nevada soon. Utah has been fun, but there is just something more special about being in your own home (even if the town you live in really isn't that exciting).

This week (kinda last week because I'm so late posting...)we decided to switch things up a bit and stay with my aunt and uncle and their big family. I'm pretty sure Carter was so sick of seeing only adults and he needed some kid time! Plus the last time we stayed with them, he had a blast and happens to be the same age as one of my cousins! It has been such a blessing to be able to stay with family during this crazy time. Everyone has shown us so much love and support it touches my heart.

Sometimes I feel at a loss to be able to repay everyone for all they have done, it is also so very hard for me to be of any help. I now know what it feels like to have no energy, and it's not the greatest feeling.

Radiation has taken it's toll on me, but don't worry... I keep smiling because I still have hair (besides many bald spots that I can hide)!!!!! I have been tempted to shave my head a couple of times because of all my bald spots and radiation burns, but then remember awful hair is better than no hair :) My energy is none lately, and I have been a little sick. It amazes me that I have been able to do so much while being here. That definitely doesn't include being helpful with keeping the house clean and watching children. I seem to always get out of those things lately...

While spending our time here, we've really tried to make the best of it! We've been on some crazy adventures too. Monday, we went to pretty much the best shaved ice shack we've ever been to! It's right by a lake in Stansbury Park and the flavors are delicious, not to mention pretty good prices! Ha ha, and Carter loved that we were right next to a body of water. Poor Jason chased him all over, but it tired him out pretty quickly!

Thursday we experienced our first Pioneer Day in Utah as a family. Sadly we didn't do a whole bunch, but celebrated with family and a BBQ.

Friday, my brother was reunited with his little family after serving for 9 months in Afghanistan. It is so amazing how many young men and women sacrifice so much time with their families to serve in te military. My brother gave up 9 months of time with his family, and for that I am very thankful! I am so glad he came home safe too :)

Sunday we were able to see my brother, talk to him face to face and see how happy he is to be with his cute little family. We extended our hang out time to Monday where we all met at Tempe Square, had a delightful lunch on the grass, and attended the Church History Museum. It was pretty awesome.

Carter found a chair just his size!

Tuesday we spent some time with friends and went to the Museum of Natural Curiosity. Let's just say that it was a mad house of fun for kiddos. It wore Carter out too! He loved it! The down pour of rain outside was pretty fun to watch too! I think lots of prayers have been answered with as much rain as Utah has gotten.

Carter's favorite ball in all of the Curiosity Museum!

Carter stayed by the water for forever!

Daddy and Carter getting blown away in the wind machine

The rest of the week we went swimming, shopping (headbands for this bald lady), and enjoyed spending time with our family. We can hardly wait to go home! Only a couple more days and then here we come Spring Creek Nevada!!!!

Carter feeding his cousin!

He is going to miss his buddies

I think he is ready to be in his own crib

Radiation: Week 3!!!!!

14 treatments down.... 11 to go!!!! I am over half way and still alive and kicking! Best thing ever too, I still have most of my hair!!!!!

I have really learned a lot this week, 1. I have the best and most wonderful family anyone could every ask for, 2. I have the most amazing husband I could ever ask for! 3. Hair is awesome even if it doesn't cooperate, 4. Being a mother is basically the best thing EVER, and 5. Utah is super hot in the summer.....

Family

This week the most AMAZING family had a reunion in Bear Lake Utah. Luckily I was able to schedule my treatment at a different time on Tuesday, and our little family was able to share in the fun for a day and a night. We got up super early, loaded the car, and started on our grand adventure to Bear Lake. Carter absolutely loved the big body of water we decided to jump in. We were there for 6 hours and he hardly was out of the water. When he was out of the water however, he was busy getting sand all over himself. He loved building sand castles with his grandma too.

I was greeted with so many hugs and smiles. It was wonder to feel like nothing is wrong with me for a little while. I was able to visit with aunts, uncles, cousins, and just enjoy myself. The water was so warm and Jason went knee boarding for the first time. we really loved it, and by the end of the day we had a cranky little boy who wasn't very happy to leave his beloved water.

After going back to the lodge we were staying at, taking a shower, eating dinner and chasing after our little man... I was able to sit and look at the wonderful family that I am a part of. It is so happy to know that we will be together forever. Our loving Heavenly Father has given us the wonderful blessing to be together for all eternity. I am pretty sure I have one of the most wonderful families to be a part of.

The next day we stayed for the legendary Ballantyne Olympics! We played awesome games, laughed, ate lots of junk, and grew even closer as a family. If any one is wondering, I was a part of the winning team... go BIG RED!!! Even though it was a long drive, we loved every second of being with our family!

 

 

 

Husband

So... I have been extremely blessed! Not only do I have the most wonderful family, but my husband is a pretty awesome dude! He has been there every step of the way for me and has even taken on the burden of watching a very busy 15 month old. He needs breaks just as I do when I'm the full time mommy, but he has never complained. I don't mean to be mushy, but he is the greatest friend I could ask for and greatest companion I could ever have to help me through the hard times our family has been through recently. He always has a wonderful positive attitude to lift me up and keep me going.

Hair

As many of you might of heard, I have been in anticipation of losing my hair ever since this adventure began. It has been 3 weeks and guess what?! Only one little bald spot to report, thus far. I have decided I will never be angry at my hair again. It is such a wonderful thing to have hair, and being told I would lose it all has helped me to truly be thankful for it. Every day I lose so much hair, I smile when I see that I still have most of it. It might be unruly, crazy, disgusting, and in my face, but boy do I love that I still have hair!! Always be thankful for the things Heavenly Father has blessed you with!

Mom

I have loved every second of being a Mom. What a wonderful thing to have children!!!! Even though they stress you out, drive you a little crazy, and make you cry, they are totally fun and totally worth it! Carter has been a HUGE blessing and has been the source of much of our happiness lately. Jason had the wonderful idea of going camping Thursday night. We bought everything we needed, and even though I wasn't happy with the last receipt, that night will hold very fun memories for us. It was Carter's first time going camping!! I think firsts are so wonderful when your a Mom. I have been able to rejoice and share in each of Carter's firsts and it is truly wonderful! Carter had so much fun playing in the dirt, helping daddy with the fire, roasting hotdogs and marshmallows, and staying up late outside (his most favorite place)!!!! We will probably go many more times in the future.

Utah

Oh boy is it HOT! I am so thankful for AC. I think I would die if I had to live with out it. It is so nice to be here and have things to do everyday, but we are sure ready to be able to go back to our home in Nevada.

Next week we will be staying with my Aunt and Uncle. It's a bittersweet thing to say goodbye to my sister, but I'm sure she is ready to be rid of us for awhile!! Have a great week! Happy reading :)

 

 

 

Radiation: Week 2

My favorite sound ever, is Carter’s laugh while he and his daddy play basketball in the living room with a big bouncy ball and a laundry basket! Oh how very blessed I am to hear this sound so often.

It has been an eventful week, and I am happy to say… 9 treatments down only 16 more to go!!! There is so much to update you on!

The Fourth of July

We had a wonderful 4^th filled with lots and lots of FIREWORKS! For the first time ever we went all out, and ended up going to my brother-in-law’s sister’s house four a BBQ and awesome firework show. We all had many, many fireworks and took turns letting them fly. We were almost certain Carter and I would be watching all the fun from the window, but Carter surprised us all. After lots of crying and cringing from the loud fireworks days before, he loved watching the beautiful colors blast loudly in the sky on the 4^th of July. I think Jason was relieved he didn’t have a little son who was scared of such loud, big, things.

Carter with Daddy watching the fireworks!

Carter with Mommy watching the fireworks!

Our little family <3

Treatments

My treatments this week haven’t been too bad. Except for being a little nauseous with a head ache afterwards, I’ve been doing pretty well. I love that I go in to the cancer center at the same time every day, because I get to know so many wonderful people there. My therapists are so much fun and love to laugh and joke around with me. They always ask about cute little Carter, and laugh at all the fun little stories I get to share with them.

Tuesday we went to the zoo again, and discovered some new animals and new places. This time not only was the splash pad his favorite part, but Carter loved the small animal building. He laughed, yelled, and giggled at the muskrats that came right up to the window to peek at him. He thought the porcupines were oh so very interesting, and I think the thing he loved most is that they were all at his level. He ran to each window pointing and having a ball. Jason and I just loved to watch our little man get so very excited about the neat looking little creatures.

Daddy and Carter at the zoo (he wouldn't look at the camera)

Carter and mommy at the splash pad, it was so hot!!

Saturday our good friends from Logan UT invited us to their cute little girl’s birthday party at the zoo! We are so glad for our season pass, otherwise this trip to Utah would have been a lot more expensive than it already has been. After the zoo we went to a nearby park to celebrate and Carter got to hit his very first piñata!! We were so happy to not only see our friends and spend the day with them, but we were so happy to share such a special time with them and have another one of Carter’s firsts!

Carter's first pinata!

Blessings

It is so interesting that as we go through hard times, we are able to see the wonderful blessings that our Heavenly Father has given us. They didn’t seem to be so special until something drastic changed our lives forever. I am so very thankful that I have such a wonderful family to keep me smiling through this time. I am so thankful for a wonderful husband who has been so willing to take my place for a little bit to be Mr. Mom. I am also so very thankful for modern medicine, wonderful doctors, and that my experience has been so very pleasant. We have continued to be filled with love and concern from family, friends, and even complete strangers. I know our Father never leaves us while we are going through hard times, he is even closer than he has ever been to us. For all these things, I can never thank my Heavenly Father enough! Have a happy week! J

Carter with his cousin... they had a little play date

Radiation: week 1

I am happy to report that I have been through 1 week of radiation officially today!! 4 treatments down and only 21 more to go! Isn't life wonderful?!

So... how are things going? Well, let's just say I have grown a great appreciation for the wonderful things I did have in my life and will hopefully get back. Here are a couple I think are pretty amazing right now :)

1. Sleep

After having a baby, I was told I would never sleep again. Carter was a wonderful newborn and gave me 5 hour stretches of sleep at night. Then, at 6 weeks he was already sleeping through the night. It made me smile to think that this was sleep deprivation lol. Especially because I was always so happy to get up with him in the middle of the night, simply because I missed him.

After having the flu and starting to get all of the symptoms of my brain tumors, sleep wasn't as easy as it once was. I would have to get up at least 7 times during the night to go to the bathroom and drain my body of the 3 gallons of water I was drinking during the day. I must say I was rather annoyed. I had to get up for something I wasn't even excited for!

After brain surgery, I was given meds to help me with the bathroom thing and thought, YES! I will finally be able to sleep again! Yeah... I guess only lucky people are like that. 2:00 in the morning rolls around and I'm wide awake. After a couple of days of that though, at least one night every so often comes around where I sleep past 2.

My sweet little sleeper <3

2. Hair

My thick hair and I always had a love hate relationship. Some days I loved that it was thick and loved they way it looked when I put it up. Other days I would feel like pulling it all out because there was just too much and it was just too CRAZY! Well, I have come to miss my thick hair these past couple of weeks. Everyday it seems like I lose half my head of hair. I think I've brushed all that will come out that day until after treatments another couple of handful of hair decided they need liberation from my scalp. Even if your hair is not cooperating with you for that important meeting, hot date, or just to head out in public, always be thankful that you have hair to struggle with. Even though you might think being bald would be nice, it's really scary when you start to lose it all.

My thin short hair driving home from my last treatment of the week!

*** I should add vision to this list lol. I've never had to wear my glasses all the time, but now I can't see a thing with out them. A tumor is pressing on my optic nerve, so hopefully it will get better once the tumor is gone!

3. Having Jason home EVERY day!

This is going to be a hard one to let go of once my treatments are done. It is so nice to have him with Carter and I, and just to see him and hug and kiss him whenever I want! I love that he isn't away from us 14 hours a day, and even though our little family is going through a hard time right now... it is so awesome to be able to face things together! It makes me happy to think that Carter gets a little more time with his daddy each day :)

So far on this crazy adventure, we've been able to go to the park together, and we even spent some time at the zoo. Isn't it amazing that even if your life seems to be falling apart, there are still so many more things to be thankful for. We truly have a loving Heavenly Father looking out for us :)

Happy Independence Day tomorrow! Another thing to be thankful for, that we live in the USA!!!!

Carter with his daddy at the Zoo. He loved the zebras :)

He also loved touching the rocks!

A lion was laying by the window. Carter ate it up!

Carter flipped when he saw this giant elephant

Silly boy watching the monkeys :)

He always finds the perfect place for him to sit. Ledges and steps are his favorite!

Our cute little family playing ball at the park 

The Miracle of Healing

It is so amazing what we can go through in this life, and be able to completely heal from it. Not just physically, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. It has been 2 1/2 weeks since brain surgery, and although I am still quite sore and occasionally have my giant headache return, it is wonderful to be able to do the things I was able to do before. It is especially wonderful to be a mother to Carter again!

We returned home Sunday night, and each one of us seemed to have healed a little more from the whirl wind of events that disrupted our family life. It was wonderful to just be our little family again, and as soon as we walked in the door, Jason and I loved sitting together watching our sweet little boy explode with happiness. His eyes were wide as he saw the pictures on the wall and laughed as he remembered each one. He ran to his toy box hysterical to hold each one of his toys. Even the lights on the ceiling were so exciting to him. It brought tears to my eyes when he ran into his room laughing, smiling, and pointing at his crib. It seemed as if we just gave the world to our little man.

Although I was nervous to have Carter all to myself again, Monday was the best day I had had in a while. Carter was so happy and enthralled with everything he saw in the house. I just sat happy and content as I watched Carter not only destroy the house, but find the greatest happiness in doing so. We both loved being partners in crime again. Two peas in a pod spending each day together again. I soaked up every happy moment trying to push back the thoughts that soon we’d be away from home again and it would be for even longer.

As I thought about us leaving our home again, and this time for 5 weeks instead of 2, I remembered a conversation I had with my mom. After getting out of the hospital and hearing about all of Carter’s adventures while I was away, my mom reminded me that Carter would not remember any of it. That made me sad, but also brought me much comfort. She is totally right. There is so much he won’t remember from this experience and for some odd reason that gave me comfort. It’s sad that he won’t remember the time I had energy and would wake him up in the mornings just to play until we both dropped from exhaustion. He won’t remember the fun days we had swimming together, and cuddling after a day full of doing new things. He won’t remember the days I’d get him up and not have enough energy to play with him. He won’t remember how frustrated he would get because mom wouldn't get up to play and would lay on the couch all morning. He won’t remember how his mom was not there for him for 4 days and how scary it was to see her again. He won’t remember when we both cried because I didn't have the energy or strength to pick him up and hold him. He won’t remember the happy or the sad things.

A year ago we moved to Spring Creek Nevada, and although Carter won’t remember the things that have happened in his first year of life… I will. I will remember and that helps me to heal. I will remember the hard days and make the good days even better. Even though I will completely heal from this experience, I will have the memories to make the good things even better! What a wonderful blessing that is, especially to remember that even though times were hard God always remembered us! Even now we have so many blessings to be thankful for.

Last weekend we headed back to Utah for some more appointments to get everything set to start radiation. Carter had the time of his life playing with my cousins while I endured a 3 hour long MRI, a CT scan, and the making of a mask and tattoos for the radiation treatments. I will being my radiation treatments on the 30^th. It will be 5 straight weeks everyday Monday through Friday, until at last these tumors of mine will be gone and life may turn back to normal a little bit. I have already learned so much through this experience. Although it will be scary, and some not so nice things (like losing my hair) will come to pass, I am so thankful for this experience and the love that I have felt from so many people and my Heavenly Father. Please know that He is listening and answering your prayers! We have so many things to be thankful for!

Right after surgery... don't I look beautiful?!

My silly little boy, happy to be home :)

Carter having fun with my cousins :)

Me today... can you tell I had surgery?

More silly pictures with Carter... and a photo bomber!

You Should Have Seen the Other Guy

A week ago, I walked into the hospital knowing that my life had changed forever and I would be starting a long journey back to feeling normal again (whatever that means). Considering the circumstances, I felt so calm. I knew deep down that God was in everything that was happening to me, even leading up to the moment when my life would be entirely in the hands of my doctors. Even when I had to let go of Jason's hand, squeezing so tightly to know he was still with me, I felt completely calm. I had felt of all the prayers said in my behalf and felt angels round about me. What an incredible thing to know that everything would be completely fine. Now I say completely fine ,but not completely easy.

Waking up from having surgery is such an interesting sensastion. The last thing I remember is thinking how cold the operating room was, and that this was it. The beginning to my whirlwind of being diagnosed with tumors in my brain. Suddenly I was in a different room violently throwing up and saying hi to Jason and my parents. I felt so embarrassed until I felt the stab of my giant headache and remembered what I had just been through. Everyone's response was all but loving as they explained to me I had just been in a bar fight, and should have seen the other guy. I wished I could have seen him to help me feel a little better.

I was  told the surgery went very well and that they got a nice chunk of the tumor for a biopsy. Lucky for me, they wouldn't have to go in a second time. I must say, I wouldn't wish for brain surgery on my most favorite enemy. I was in the ICU for 2 days, constantly being pumped with drugs, IV fluids, taken to get CT scans, and monitored very closely. Rest wasn't something I really had not had until they moved me to the Nero floor. I didn't even feel human after that, as they poked and used me as a human pin cushion. Finally when I knew I was probably much worse than the other guy, they said I could go home! What a wonderful gift too, as it was our 4 year anniversary and my sweetheart would not have to endure as much pain with me.

The most amazing person I could have EVER decided to spend my forever with!

I have been doing so well since being out of the hospital! It has been such a joy to see my sweet little Carter again and love on him. He hardly knew I was gone, because he has had so much fun with grandma! Having a mother is such a wonderful blessing. They know just how to take care of you even when you're grown.

I have been so touched by all of the wonderful friends and family that have reached out to us so much. I have been brought to tears to see the selflessness that has been shown to us. We want you to know that everything has been so appreciated. I know God is in all things, even when they seem so devastating. It helps us learn that God is good and that he never leaves our side. If he for some reason seems to get distracted, he sends his angels in his place.

As I said earlier, this has been hard, but it's only the beginning. We will be heading home in a few days to give us sometime before we head back to the Salt Lake valley for more support and help that we've received from wonderful doctors. We will be returning for radiation treatments to fight the tumors and continue to grow spiritually strong.  I know that we are not the only ones going through hard times, and I want to repeat words from a friend that brought me great strength in the hospital. God is good, and God is in it. Everything happens to help us reach our greatest potential. Happy reading!

Carter has LOVED being outside with grandma!

Bad picture, but he always has a smile on his face with grandma

This was taken before surgery, but being able to be around my sweet little niece has been reviving.

Is this really happening?

Cancer [kan-ser] noun:  A six letter word I never thought I would use to describe myself.

Sorry to my 3 readers (other than my family) out there, for being a slacker on blogging. Our little family has been on quite the adventure, and really it has only been the beginning.

In December a couple of cute little four year olds in my primary class vomited at church. I felt like being their teacher I needed to help out. I never thought from cleaning up and getting the flu from touching a little bit of vomit, that I would be where I am today…

After the flu I started having crazy symptoms as if I never really got over it. I was so thirsty all the time, I would sit down and instantly fall asleep (not a good thing with a little one crawling around), losing so much weight I thought I’d disappear. I never had an appetite and eating actually made me feel so nauseous. I thought it was a smart thing to see my doctor, but after some blood work and he telling me that whatever was happening was basically in my head, I was angry and confused. I wasn't sure if I was making it up. Finally Jason had had enough of seeing me so sick and disintegrating in front of his eyes, he wanted me to see a specialist. Following a few other people’s reaction to the way I looked, I decided it wasn’t in my head and Jason was right. I needed to see a specialist!

I cried when I tried on size 0 jeans. losing 25lbs for no reason, stinks!

Well, more tests, lots of IVs and being poked, and an MRI later, my doctor apologized for not being able to help me any longer. My condition was not the simple pituitary tumor that happens to some women after having a baby. I was referred to an oncologist, and later a neurologist. Sitting with Jason holding my hand and hearing that I not only had one tumor, but two was something so surreal I didn't know how to react. Finding out they would also need a biopsy of one of the tumors through brain surgery was also something I never thought I would hear in my life. Yet it’s all real, and it’s literally in my head. 2 rapidly growing tumors that will completely change my life forever.

I will be having brain surgery on June 2, 2014 where they will literally crack open my skull. From a biopsy of the tumor tissue, they will then determine what my treatment needs to be. You would think I should be terrified, but surprisingly I’m only a little scared. I know that for some reason all this has happened to our little family. I know that everything is going to be ok, because I need to go through this to either learn something, or to give someone else strength and comfort. That might sound crazy to some people, but I know that God is my loving Heavenly Father! He does not do things to us because we are bad, or because we deserve to have awful things happen to us. He gives us trials like these so we may rise up and reach our fullest potential. He only has what’s best for me in mind. So much has come together for me to have this happen so quickly, and it is obviously heavenly intervention. I am so thankful for all the prayers that have been said in my behalf, and want you to know that they have been and will be answered.

The only thing that does terrify me, I won’t be able to be a mother to my sweet little Carter for a long time. His earliest memories of me might be being sick all the time from Chemo or Radiation (whatever the treatment is that needs to happen). I love this little boy with all of my heart, and it’s hard to think that someone else will have to take care of him for a while.

In the midst of all these trials, we have had had fun creating so many memories. Here are a couple of happy pictures to look at before I say adios. Once I have recovered (about 2 weeks) from this surgery, I will keep you updated on my story. May the odds be ever in my favor! J Happy reading!

We went to Twin to try out Carter's new floaty

We loved swimming together!

Carter wasn't too fond of pictures

He thought we were crazy for taking so many 

These boys are my world! I love them :)

Carter and Daddy made me breakfast in bed for Mother's Day!

His cute new outfit. We were hanging out after moving the couches around in the living room.

This little boy is my everything! I hope he remembers me being his mom.

He loves to try on mommy's bra, and daddy's tie :)

A beautiful mom and her baby. We got to visit Siehara after she had Carmen!

I am so in love with my little niece already!

Carter and I being silly with my phone

He doesn't look like a baby anymore... he's my sweet little boy

We went to a splash pad one day... he hated the cold water, but loved to sit in the grass :)